Rowan had a few sets of recurring dreams. The most common was he knew he had a final for a class, but he couldn’t remember where the final was and if he’d ever gone to the class or what it was about. It didn’t stop him from looking and he woke up disoriented and it took him a minute to realize that it wasn’t real.
The worst were the Marcos dreams. Not all of them, but enough of them. Usually very simple and straightforward, Marcos standing in front of him as cold and beautiful as a statue carved to perfection.
The questions Rowan asked were different, but the core was the same:
Did you ever care about me? Were you happy?
The answer was no.
And then Rowan woke up.
This morning, Rowan woke up with his heart lodged into his throat, sunlight starting to stream through the window and nature singing their pained New York song, alone in his bed even though he wasn’t alone when he went to bed.
It was probably bad he was dreaming about his ex boyfriend when he had a girlfriend. Sort of, he wondered about that sometimes.
The texts on his phone were wishing him a happy birthday. Which was today. Plus one from Willow, which was a happy birthday and a notice she’d be late to the party Lucius insisted on throwing because something important came up.
Did you ever care about me?
He stared at the ceiling. It was a stupid dream and he was stupid to let it affect him so much.
Frankly, at this point it should be Willow, but he didn’t think he’d be as emotionally compromised if he asked her and she said no.
Which was a giant hint that he was ignoring.
Rowan pushed that thought aside and went to the photographs on his phone. Mostly plants, selfies he sent to Diego and Theo in the course of their conversations, or notes from classes, but he went through a few folders to find the ones from his 20th birthday.
Pictures of him and Marcos, curled up around each other and happy, in Woodland. Marcos hated to leave Milton, had never been on a plane before this, and Rowan wasn’t sure how long he had to save up the money for the plane ride. He looked happy.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
